My mind keeps running around in circles, I’ve been going crazy lately,feels like I’m stuck in a time and it’s really driving me crazy..I’m so stuck!!🤦♀️
I really don’t know how to organize my life right now(career,relationship, family,friendships) but it seems as if I’ve gotten to a place in my life where I don’t care anymore and that’s sort of scary for me..
Feels like I’m gradually losing myself and I don’t want to visit that place anymore, that place of fear,depression, sadness..
Aaaaaaah!!! I’m so tired right now,I’m not even going to lie about that, so I started graphic designing in 2019ish and it has been crazy,I started without a laptop and it was hellish,thank goodness for a good samaritan who bought me a laptop, I was all over the place and I cried too 😩😩😩😩
Fast forward to 2021,I’m still studying and practicing graphic design by myself after getting materials online and attending classes for 3 months offline,I was scared and still scared because I’m not artistic in anyway,the last time I really drew stuff was in secondary school 😪😪😪😪
Sometimes I feel like my confidence is on a shelf sitting prettt and staying away from me, I’m pretty much scared of expressing myself,I’m scared of opinions, I’m scared of some many things that I shouldn’t be scared of,I’m trying so hard to throw them away and just explore new things,I love graphic designing so much and I feel like I’m holding myself back as well which I’m not happy about..
These days I’m working hard to get my confidence level back,I want it BACK!!!! I’m going to get it BACK!!!!!! YESSSS!!! Okay bye then!!!
It’s the second week of January and it feels as if January loves moving at snail pace but I’m still thankful, I really don’t know what to write this morning but it’s obvious that people are dying of the Corona virus here in Nigeria and it feels as if the government is dormant and quiet,I’m pretty sure public hospitals are overwhelmed and over stretched..it’s too much to handle..
Most Nigerians don’t actually believe that Corona virus is real and they take no precautions whatsoever, I have totally stopped going out so I’ve been home since the start of January working from home, it’s depressing to hear that people are dying from this virus and no precaution is taken..
I really can’t do anything on my own so I’ll just watch how the event unfolds from my personal lockdown, anyways this is all I’ve got for this beautiful monday morning 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂
Shit!!!! It’s been a loooooooong time since I last came here,i was feeling down,tired and stressed..I’m so happy that 2020 is over,that year was filled with bad news back to back,I mean we had no breaks whatsoever and that’s was freaking depressing…
I feel so happy today that I finally left 2020 behind,I survived!!! I fucking survived,we all survived and trust me that’s something to be thankful for..
Aaaaah!!! I have no resolutions whatsoever and I don’t want to make any resolutions so I’m just going to set my goals,live positively, stay happy,love my family,never take life for granted and love Min Dae Ho more 😊😊😊
I’m really thankful for every good,bad and ugly events though..so that’s about it and I’ll be back (in terminator’s voice)😊😊😊😊😊
I saw a phrase this morning that said love is a miracle and I had so many thoughts running through my mind,I haven’t thought about love in a very long while because waking up every morning to the same old random routine feels draining and mentally stressful,seeing my mother’s face every morning when I open her bedroom door,that radiant smile even when I have this permanent angry look on my face and soaking everything in,that’s where it ends for me..
I don’t know how it feels anymore to be in love,the word even makes me cringe,my mom thinks I have a problem and that’s why I can’t get a man,lmaoooooo!!!!!trust me there are more important issues,aaaah!! I hate it that I’m an adult,I can’t deal with the reality,it’s too depressing for me so I just go with the flow and the thought that I have a little girl inside me that has adamantly refused to grow up and a huge part of me is happy with that thought..
Okay I’m done so I need to go listen to BTS and do more graphic design,bye!!!!!
For the past 3 months I’ve been incognito,I totally lost it and was so immersed in myself,searching for ways on how to be a better person, I thought that I was going to die of boredom but that was really far from it..
I haven’t spoken to some people for this last 3 months not because I felt like it but because it was the best thing for to do,even so it gave me some peace of mind although not completely but it was really good for me that I had just my family..
Okay I think that this is enough for today,I’m mentally tired from this already…
Aaaaaaaaah!!!!! I really thought about this for days without end and I still haven’t found the right words to put out here,for me it’s a disaster living in Nigeria,like many other who are apparently in my shoes and feeling the pinch,this country feels like a ticking bomb waiting to explode,I can’t even begin to write about my feelings, I’m not even talking about rich/elite Nigerians, I’m sort of sure they have it going well for them ☺️☺️☺️
Every morning I wake up angry like why am I still here??? Wtf am I stressing myself like this?? Why am I not getting it?? Almost 70% of people in this shithole are filled with bad intentions whether directly or indirectly, people are mean to each other and yes we act like everything is so okay and behave like we are happy, we are so used to the harsh condition of living,we are very docile like a snake that just finished it’s dinner and just waiting for the next meal to crawl by, I don’t get mad anymore about what goes on in the news because I get deeply depressed and if I die of depression,my mom will just bury me and mourn but nobody will definitely give a rat’s ass..
Sometimes I think we are just a different breed of people,maybe we were cursed as a people and there’s no way for redemption, who gets comfortable with their chains??? I really don’t understand, maybe I’ll never understand, what do I know??? I’m just here ranting and getting worked up over the foolishness of people, when Nigerians are pushed to the wall,they don’t fight back, they only break the wall and keep moving..
It’s still lockdown,I’ll need to go watch some Korean dramas and movies just to keep my head out of the thick dark clouds hovering over my people, and probably think of way out, I’m done ranting 😂😂😂😂😂😂
So I’m back again, it’s been 6 weeks now and I’m frustrated,irritated,tired and feeling like jelly 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩 I can’t even explain how I’m feeling at the moment, from waking up in the morning to going to bed late at night, it’s frustrating for me..
This lockdown has been really tiring but I’m making the most of it,reading, studying and more movies and music especially K-pop, please don’t say anything!!!! My mom and godmother are two old ladies (widows) who I live with,these women don’t give me the time of day,all they spend their time talking about is traveling, getting more money and more traveling and frustrate me to go and get married 😒😒😒😒😒😒
While my brother on the other hand acts like he’s the prince of the house,I’m so tired of those people in my house but I love them so much because they make my lockdown worth it,from laughing to cracking crazy sexual jokes all thanks to my two moms,I’ve been doing so much though to be happy and positive until yesterday when anybooks (app) decided to go crazy on by monetizing their app, my day was totally ruined because I’ve gotten so many books from that app now I can’t get any for free again 😭😣😣😫😭😫
Now I have two extra apps that I use for getting more books so that’s by the way, oh before I forget! Last weekend was a blast thanks to BTS bangbangcon via YouTube, the concert was so LIT!!!!!!
I really wish that this pandemic would cease and let everyone just return to their usual and normal life but I know that after all this nothing is going to be normal anymore😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 I’m tired though,bye..
So I just realised that my daily routine has been quite in a cycle, something i never noticed but just while i was busy today,I just occurred to me that when I wake up,the first thing is i do is sit on my bed for like 20 to 30 minutes waiting for my brain and body to boot properly,then head straight to the kitchen and drink a 75cl of warm water..
Then go back to my room,brush my mouth and right back to the kitchen to prepare coffee,aigoooo!!!! I’m done, totally done 😂😂😂😂😂
It’s crazy but i love it, really can’t even go into details right now but as far as I’m concerned, I’m loving it!! I think the lockdown thingy has affected me in diverse ways which is a positive phase for me,trust me it’s a good thing but on a serious note,i can’t wait for this pandemic to disappear, it gets frustrating thinking about when it’s going to end..
I pray that affected families find peace,those who have lost loved ones,I get sad thinking about it but right now, it’s better to be strong, positive and safe at home,anyways I need to watch a movie so I’ll be out,much love ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️